There were some oral sessions she remembered. One in particular, way back, when she was living in a dorm. He was an economics student three years her senior.
He desired her.
That was her first time experiencing sexual desire coming from a man who wasn’t a stupid teenager with crude language about tampons fucking pussies. He even told her what to expect before he started.
“I’ll do it for as long as it takes”, he said as she lay there splayed, watching his blond head disappear between her legs.
This never happened to her before. An oral session, born out of desire, and performed, willingly, to completion. It was her first orgasm delivered by a man, not achieved by her own hand, or the stream of a tap in a bathtub.
Granted, she was barely 21 at the time, but that experience should have taught her something. It should have instilled a confidence in her with the inevitable future sexual encounters.
Instead, she allowed herself to be sexually available to men who were either clueless, irresponsible or selfish. Especially selfish.
The men who came after the student – immature boys really – didn’t replicate that memorable experience in the dorm for her. They made her believe she was just a tool, a means to an end, for their own gratification.
It’s not that they didn’t want to do it. They all wanted to do it, to stick their tongues in her folds and crevices, licking and tasting. Just never for long enough to actually make a difference to her.
It was about their release, right from the get go.
What they really wanted, and couldn’t wait to get to, was to stick their cocks into her cunt and then pull out and spray all over her.
She sees things more clearly now. She’s older, wiser. But she’s still missing something.
She misses hunger. His, for her. And her own, for him.
Which comes first?
Acknowledging submission under the right circumstances will invite confident, dominant men. But also arrogant, ignorant ones.
She’s at a fork in the road. If she allows his desire to arrive at fruition, will this turn her hunger into wanton need?
Or will she travel down the all too familiar road, once again?
There is only one answer that matters.